That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
