summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
