weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
