I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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