I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
