i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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