can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
false alarm, still single
Randomize
