I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
