Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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