I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dear god my vagina.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
