Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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