I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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