UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
