I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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