I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My penis needs a shock collar
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
