So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
