After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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