so that wasnt chicken after all
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
