So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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