you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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