I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
this is an emotional support booty call
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
