I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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