He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
