The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
