I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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