He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
