My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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