Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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