i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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