he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize
