im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
