I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
