well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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