I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
