i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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