There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
