Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
