You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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