I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize