Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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