she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
