Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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