god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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