i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
