I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
