I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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