i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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