I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
