Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
