so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
