apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
