I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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