the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he fucked my hip out of place.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize