toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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