so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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