Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
