you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize