So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
