Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
