Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
