apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
