Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
