I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
