ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
