if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize