im drinking this country out of the recession.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
