its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
