Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
