You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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