New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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