I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I touched a dick in church today
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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