Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
