the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
