Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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