Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
