when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
