Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
