I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
