am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
