Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
