she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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