Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
