I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
