And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You ruined the universe
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
