U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
