Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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