Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
