I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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