You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
