I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
