WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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